My mother once told me, “If someone hurts you, forgive them, but never forget what they did.” This advice has been a guiding principle for me whenever I meet and get to know new people. Yet, sometimes it becomes exhausting. It’s disheartening to show kindness and receive only pain in return, to admire someone only to be betrayed behind your back.
One day, I asked my mother, “Mom, do they really deserve my forgiveness?”
She smiled, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear.
“Everyone deserves to be forgiven,” she said. “If they wrong you once, they deserve it. If they do it twice, give them another chance. But if they hurt you a third time, it’s time to forgive yourself.”
Confused, I looked at her with questioning eyes. She laughed gently.
“Forgive yourself for believing in them, only to be disappointed. Forgive yourself for trusting too much. Forgive yourself for giving another chance, thinking it would make things better. And, my dear, give yourself the chance to be free — free from hatred and revenge, free from your past.”
Many years later, I learned that my Dad had some differences with my Mom. I asked her if she now hates Dad, and she simply smiled and shook her head.
“My heart has no room for hatred,” she said. “I don’t deserve to suffer from it. I’ve forgiven him, but that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten. When he sees me smiling despite everything, he’ll know who truly suffered.”
She added, “The best thing you can do for someone who hurt you is to live a better life. Show them what they lost when they broke your trust, and how their actions helped you grow and move forward.”
In that moment, I realized the profound truth in her words. Without her wisdom, I might still be haunted by things that were never my fault.